“How important it is to remain a person in addition to being a professional and to establish contact from there.” [1]
On April 21st we had a unique dialogue session between five international mothers and four pediatric nurses from the JGZ (jeugdgezondheidzorg, Youth Health Care) who are working at different Consultatiebureaus (parent and child clinics) locations in Utrecht. The dialogue was facilitated by two trained dialogue facilitators from Parenting Across Borders. This is the first time that such a meeting took place. We at Parenting Across Borders, are very grateful for the opportunity to plan and facilitate such an important dialogue.
Why dialogue between international mothers and pediatric nurses?
We as international mothers (and parents) when visiting the consultatiebureau (CB) clinics with our babies, often encounter some challenges in our communication with the Pediatric nurses. These challenges are usually a result of diverse factors, such as cultural differences relating to child upbringing; language barriers; and sometimes just differences in communication styles.
In one of PAB`s previous dialogue series, an advisor from the municipality of Utrecht (youth health department), Janneke Schilder, attended one of the sessions and had an open conversation with the mothers about their communication with the nurses at the CBs. The mothers had a lot of questions for Janneke regarding the work of the CB and the different issues they encounter in their contact with the nurses. As a result of this meeting, together with Janneke we came up with the idea of planning an open and constructive dialogue between mothers and nurses. [2]
About the dialogue session
Both mothers and nurses were very engaged in the dialogue and had a genuine interest in hearing each other`s perspectives, experiences, and recommendations. The introduction round included naming the values that each participant cherishes in their role as mothers or as nurses. After the introduction round, we invited the participants to share their experiences relating to their communication with nurses and vice versa. The conversation was guided by two questions following the Appreciative Inquiry approach:
– what worked in the communication?
– and what could have worked better?
During this round, mothers and nurses had the opportunity to share more about their experiences while bringing the positive and less positive elements within the experiences they shared.
At the end of the session, we invited the participants to share their insights and what they took out of the dialogue. Here are some of the main insights:
The grass is greener on the other side.
At the end of the session, one mother shared this line as a way to put things in perspective and to say that there is always room for improvement. Yet, she expressed her gratitude for the fact that nurses were willing to meet and hear the mother`s perspectives. She also added that part of the tension which exists in the communication between mothers and nurses relates to the fact that new mothers want to be perfect mothers and this wish creates tension in the communication.
Being human
Being human and realizing as a professional that offering help is not always about bringing quick solutions, but it also involves a longer process in the communication between mothers and nurses. Therefore, it is important to create a safe environment for the mothers to be able to bring themselves fully and openly during the consultation with nurses.
There is never one solution:
There might be two, three, or more answers to a difficulty that is presented by mothers. In this respect, it is of significance to keep in mind cultural differences and personal values relating to child upbringing when discussing a specific difficulty.
Getting out of the “local” experience:
Fish don’t know what water really is until you take them out of the water. One nurse shared with the group that living abroad helped her understand the experiences of international mothers in a better way. So the following questions came to the table: how can you, as a nurse, put yourself in an international mothers’ position without having lived abroad; and how can you partially set aside your life experiences and culture to have a more open view about the Dutch way of raising?
Giving advice:
One of the nurses presented a question to the group: how to give a piece of advice without being too intrusive and without coming across as insensitive. A question that is still pending an answer and consideration for future sessions.
Testimonies from the participants
In general, the evaluation from both, mothers and nurses was very positive with recommendations to organize and facilitate more dialogue sessions for both parties while including fathers as well. Here are some quotes from nurses indicated in the evaluation form:
“Enormously enriching, like a live survey form. Not only helpful in contact- ing international parents, but also when contacting Dutch parents.”
Pediatric Nurse
“It helps to increase the quality of the service provided by the Youth health department (JVK): sharing successful experiences/disappointing experi- ences; everything you wanted to ask the JVK but did not dare because you felt dependent e.g. why do you do your work in this way, what is the use of JGZ (Youth health Care) etc”
Pediatric Nurse
“This was an outstanding chance for all the participants of this dialogue to be able to hear the testimony and experience of mothers and nurses.”
International Mother
“The dialogue helped me to feel more confident in contact with international parents and to dare to ask more questions, so to have a better view of what is needed.”
Pediatric Nurse
“There was not enough time for the dialogue.”
International Mother
“We mothers should be clear and honest about our expectations from the assistance of the nurses and at the same time try and understand it is not an easy job to connect to these mothers because of lack of time, language barri- ers, cultural differences, etc.”
International Mother
“It was clear that the Consultatiebureau is interested in improving their work with international families.”
International Mother
Moving forward
The organizing team is at this point busy with planning the next steps to go forward with the pilot and organize more projects and dialogues between both parties. More will be followed in the coming months.
References
- An insight shared by one of the paediatric nurses at the end of the session.
- The planning team of this event included, two paediatric nurses, two advisors from Utrecht municipality, and two dialogue facilitators (who are also international mothers) from Parenting across Borders. Our first planning meeting took place a year ago. With covid, we needed to take more time to plan and organise the event.
