By Leslie Romney
I had always been quite independent and always liked changes and trying new things so it all went relatively well, until…. I got pregnant.
When I moved to The Netherlands from Peru, I was aware there were going to be many challenges I would need to overcome: a new language to learn, new weather to get used to, making new friends, a new way of being in touch with family and friends, finding a job where I felt really happy, etc. I had always been quite independent and always liked changes and trying new things so it all went relatively well, until…. I got pregnant.
Despite the great happiness my husband and I were feeling, suddenly I started feeling lonely. At that moment it was hard to explain but now I know it was a turning moment in my life where I simply needed my tribe. I needed my close family and close friends to be with me through that emotional rollercoaster where I was haunted, shaken, and even slapped by the idea that I was going to be responsible for a human being and on top of that, without my loved ones to be there for me when I needed them.
The moment you know you will become a mother and you know you have your loved ones right next to you, there is perhaps no need for words. The warmth is implicit and you only have to feel it and enjoy it. It can go from a hug to offering to come along for that ultrasound appointment or cooking your favorite meal and all those great things our family and friends do for us when they want to show their love and appreciation. For those women who migrate and must face motherhood “alone,” the story totally changes.
In my case, things turned a bit more tricky than expected. I started noticing some of my closest friends were not as excited and happy with the news as I thought they would be. At first, I thought they were too busy or also facing key moments in their lives but later on, I realized it was simply that we were all going through different paths and stages in life and so that moment was just the end of some of my friendships as I knew them.
Luckily, when I gave birth, my grandma, my mother, and my sister came to visit and spend some weeks with us. It was a blessing in disguise even when I was having mixed feelings for not giving them the attention I would have liked to give them. It felt so great to be able to take a nap in peace knowing the three women I trusted the most were going to be taking care of my little one.
I needed my close family and close friends to be with me through that emotional rollercoaster where I was haunted, shaken, and even slapped by the idea that I was going to be responsible for a human being and on top of that, without my loved ones to be there for me when I needed them.
Two years after, I can say I have been extremely lucky to feel that motherhood has been easier than I thought, full of emotions but mostly positive ones, even though I miss my family so much that sometimes I even imagine they are right there in our living room when my son does something new.
A while back I decided to adjust my tribe by making new friends with other mothers where I live, opening up and turning to my husband’s relatives here in The Netherlands and video calls have become the greatest thing when it comes to feeling close to my family and friends back home. And even in these uncertain moments, we are living, I do not lose hope that we will be able to go back home for everyone to finally meet Jagger and that he learns to love and appreciate my country as well as I do.
Leslie Romney is an Account Manager who has lived in the Netherlands since 2015. She married a Dutchman and together they have a little boy. She was born and raised in Peru where she studied English Language Education and worked as a volunteer teacher in her late teens. From a very young age, she learned about the importance of having communities that support minority groups in different aspects. “My mother and my grandmother taught me every type of help you give will make an impact in somebody’s life. To them, I dedicate this exciting, voluntary work.” Leslie is responsible for the blog’s page, newsletters, and social media pages together with the rest of the team.
